When the schools, the cafes and the social centres closed and we were thrown pretty much onto our own resources I retreated for a moment so I could pause and take it all in. I guess I needed to feel into all this in my own way, get a glimpse of some other way of living through it all that might also help me grow in myself.

On the first day I noticed a hardness around me and the way I was looking at the world, I guess I was angry at us all for ravishing our planet, for bringing us to this point. My experience of it echoed this as I looked out and saw no smiles or kind gestures in the streets and I started to feel quite isolated inside my self-isolation.

About 2 minutes later I snapped out of this delusion, remembering (all over again) that I actually had the power to change my thoughts and preconceptions on this, and that if I chose to I could look at it in this way: I could believe or remember that something bigger had brought me to this point and if I could stay in that remembrance I could change the way I was leading my life and mostly how I was directing my thoughts. From this place I remembered what my big pictures have taught me; to look and listen beyond the immediate “problem” and out into the wider picture and contexts.

That’s when my story changed and that previously negative story of the world found its place and made room for a little more understanding and spacious exploration.

I realised I could create something much more beautiful by listening into something bigger. That’s when I saw that this was a moment to Come to Ground, to really surrender and BE at home because home was where we had in fact literally been called to be.

What might I find in ‘Coming to Ground’, in being just here with nowhere else to go even if my mind resisted and tried to pull me back to how things were before.

That’s when I made a decision to commit more to self-care, to really tread softer and be more allowing with what my heart wants. I relaxed and eased off around the ‘shoulds’ from the outside world that had been causing me so much stress and unhappiness.

Not all the schoolwork gets done these days. There are longer moments in the spring mornings to listen to the blackbird calling across the gardens and to just allow myself to dream. We are creating our own structures and rhythms throughout the days, and mostly my daughter and I spend long moments hugging each other with nothing pulling or pushing us away from each other.

Right now I feel peaceful, humbled and incredibly grateful for all that I have and all that I am living.




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